farters have to be the big spoon...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You're a waste of cheezeits
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
