In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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