ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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