i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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