Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
