I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
organizing the empties. That sober.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
