i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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