Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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