I was born with a shot glass in my hand
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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