Kareoke will never be a sober sport
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
