i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
