The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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