I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
