she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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