OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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