I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
