Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
