If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
