She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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