I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
