First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
