Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
