I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
