you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
