Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
