you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
