party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
