i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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