suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
