I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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