I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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