you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
