You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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