wanna go halves on a baby?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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