You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Mom said you looked used
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
