My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
