Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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