I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
