if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
