Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
