i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My life is pants optional.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
