You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
