Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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