1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
