I cannot find my penis.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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