It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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