..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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