some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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