The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
