i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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