I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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