my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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