You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
